BOUNDARY SETTING IN THE AGE OF CANCEL CULTURE

It’s easy to fall victim to the fluffy and inviting social media graphics that promote independent thinking, wellness, and not settling for anything that makes you feel less than happy. Because you deserve it, that’s why! These gurus want to portray an image of being authentic to themselves while not falling victim to others beliefs, expectations, or ideas. 

However, setting themselves free of all of those things to be authentic to themselves doesn’t necessarily promote wellness. Instead, it’s just removing the unwanted and undesired feedback that the person isn’t ready for, isn’t interested in, or isn’t willing to hear. 

While society (and now functioning on an entirely new level thanks to the two way communication brought on by social media) calls for ‘canceling’ of celebrities that have committed inexcusable acts, there are certain individuals who subscribe to cancel culture as well. It’s all too easy to hide behind our smartphones and unfriend, unfollow or write a nasty comment about someone that we disagree with. 

But what happens when we cancel people we care about?

When we take these flowery memes of “Family is Everything” to heart one minute and then the next having a hostile reaction because of the heartbreak we’ve experienced because of our own family, there is no middle ground. We’ve been exposed to the beauty of family, reminded of all the good times thanks to some prolific words issued by some influencer and feel really good to share the post or maybe give it a like. Then a family conflict occurs and we’re reminded just how messed up the idea is that “Family is Everything” and we simply write off that family member for good. Canceled. 

It just so happens that there is a middle ground: setting boundaries. 

Is it easier to cancel people? Absolutely. Less messy, not nearly as much work. However, there will be a loss in your life that is significant. You will grieve the loss of the relationship (even though you may never actually admit to it) through all of the stages. 

With setting clear boundaries, you determine how people get to treat you and define what you are willing to tolerate. They don’t even necessarily have to be aware that you have had a change of heart and you aren’t willing to listen to their ideas on women’s rights, political affiliation, drug addiction, abusive relationship, etc. any longer. It might not even click for them when you don’t answer their phone calls at 2am anymore. Or lend them money. However, they will feel it when you aren’t responding in the same passive way you used to and assert yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable with. They will feel the shift, and so will you. 

Drawing the line in the sand for yourself takes the burden off of you and still allows you to believe that there is some truth to those craft store signs that read “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”