Got Anxiety?

Anxiety. A beast I have dealt with my entire life. You too? Fortunately being in this profession, I have learned I am far from being the only one. But today, I’m handing the mic, so to speak, over to my best friend, Lyndsay Legel-Carmody who is our first guest blogger for Blue Tree! She is a writer, a teacher, a small business owner (check out her greeting card company You Me We Greetings on Etsy), wife and mother of two rambunctious and adorable boys. And she has anxiety. If you met her, you’d probably never know it, but I’ll let her share her own story. But I will say that what I love about this story is that it offers hope and reminding you there is always help.

As I walked in, my body tipped me off to the fact that my mind was sensing danger: I felt the heat rise in my body, I became dizzy and lightheaded, I heard my heart’s cadence increase, and I had a tingling sensation throughout my body. The dangerous situation? Walking into Wal-Mart to grab some shampoo. 

This same reaction was associated with things like going to an ice cream parlor that presented hundreds of delicious options. The anxiety of taking too much time to figure out my order and the anxiety of choosing wrong and not liking my order would be debilitating, and my body would easily become a ball of electric current that left me feeling faint. 

Oftentimes, my anxiety manifested as social phobia. Well into adulthood, I’d ask my mom to call and make appointments for me because the idea of calling a stranger on the phone to set something up was, in my mind, impossible. I remember getting a summer job at my local newspaper when I was in high school. On one of the first days there, the editor asked me to call the local funeral home to ask a question about a particular obituary. I asked if I could use an office to make the call. I closed the door and panicked. I couldn’t tell her I was petrified to make such a simple call. After all, anxious people typically understand that their triggers are absurd. However, the idea of making the call had me feeling terrified beyond words. I paced in the office. I wrote down and rehearsed exactly what I would say. I sweated profusely. I hate to know how much time it took me to actually pick up the receiver and call. 

I could share stories like this all day. Fear over normal, every-day things. My mind constantly trying to protect me when I wish it would just take a backseat and leave me alone.

This is what an anxiety disorder looks like. My diagnosis has always been Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and a touch of OCD. Regardless of what the doctors have always told me, all I know is everyday “simple” activities were, for most of my life, terrifying and, sometimes, impossible. 

You may read this and picture a withdrawn, shy person with no social skills. Quite the opposite. I LOVE people. I always have. I get so much joy from being around others, and I would describe myself as a very social person. I’ve never been loud, but I’ve never been considered shy. And I like to think I have a charming amount of social awkwardness. 

While my anxiety still manifests in one way or another on a daily basis, through years of cognitive therapy and help from medication, my anxiety is an annoying companion more than a loathed foe. I can walk into any store with a smile and a purpose. I can consciously breathe through ordering at my favorite ice cream spot. I can call strangers on the phone with ease and speak with bravado. It’s been a long road to get there. But I here I am.

Anxiety doesn’t have to be debilitating. And it doesn’t have to be something one deals with silently and alone. I wish I would have gotten help sooner. And, if you’re reading this and are struggling, pick up the phone and call for help. That first call will be scary. But it will be the best call you’ve ever made in your life.