The Power of Choice
As a therapist that spends most of her time working with children, I have very few rules for my clients. As children, they’re constantly told “no.” However, in therapy, we try to be as person- centered as possible, which means really limiting ourselves to create rules around things that our child clients are wanting to do (keeping safety in mind, obviously). But, any of my child clients will tell you, one of the few rules in Ms. Marisa’s playroom is that we don’t mix the playdoh.
Now, that may be a silly line for me to draw in the sand, but I just dislike mixed playdoh myself. Sure, the mixing is fun and exciting but the consequences of the mixing I find to be... gross. Plus, it’s anxiety provoking for some kids (and clearly myself too) to open a container and expect one thing but then be presented with something else entirely. And I’m not going to break the bank replacing playdoh all the time. So, we just don’t mix the playdoh.
Until this week, that is.
Due to COVID, I haven’t really had playdoh out for use. But I was able to pick up a huge pack of tiny containers, which would allow my kiddos to each pick two colors. They could call these containers their very own. Everyone was so excited to get to play with playdoh again!
As they were playing with the playdoh, I used this as an opportunity to address the topic of choices and consequences. The conversation went differently with each kid depending on their age and developmental level, plus whatever things we were addressing in their treatment plan, but I presented each of them with a choice: since this was THEIR playdoh, they could mix it if they chose to. We talked about the questions we needed to ask about mixing it before we came to a decision, and we also discussed how easy it would be to change our minds. This assisted them in beginning to understand the decision making process, which for children is a very quick process, so fast in fact that many of them are still realizing it even exists. We also took this time to bring in real life examples. This provided them with context to see how this applied to decisions they make everyday. Just like they couldn’t separate the playdoh successfully if they chose to mix it, they couldn’t “unpunch” someone if they chose to hit a peer or a sibling. Many of my kids pointed out that they could apologize for their actions, and were able to internalize that their apology wouldn’t take it away.
The reactions varied across the board, with some kids choosing to mix their colors, while others preferred to leave them separate. A few kids “dipped a toe in” by mixing tiny pieces of playdoh first to see if they would like the color pattern. Others were eager to mix them right away.
This then led into a discussion about consequences of their actions, and again, used examples from their lives to help illustrate the point. While there was no going back and undoing the action of mixing the playdoh, they could do things in their daily lives to help ease negative consequences like apologizing, showing empathy and/or helping to clean up a mess.
Even as adults, we sometimes struggle to hold ourselves accountable as we make excuses for our choices, our actions, or even believing that we have “no choice.” We are presented with different factors for consideration as adults, as ethical or moral choices might not always align with legal ones, but the basis is the same. We are presented with choices, we have to live by the choices we make, and the consequences (good or bad) that follow.
Accountability is a lifelong process and skill that we can continue to develop.
So, in this new and WONDERFUL year of 2021, I hope that all of you hold yourself accountable to your goals. When things get hard, take a moment to reflect on why things are difficult at the moment and what role you have played in getting to this point. What things are in your control? And better yet, what will it take for you to get on track again?
Mine will start with letting go and mixing the playdoh. At least, just a little.
Wishing you all the best year in 2021,
Marisa
