Self Care Tips for the Homeschool Parent

Homeschool is not my favorite. Quarantine is not easy for me. I like getting up and leaving my house in the morning. I miss connecting with others at work. I miss my office. I miss doing face to face therapy with all my school kiddos. I miss my friends and taking trips to fun places. I get frustrated with my own kid’s school work and all the requirements they have to meet during the day. I can never quite find all the assignments that need turned in, and each kid has a different online forum to navigate. It all seems like too much to me. However, I know all these measures are necessary to keep our community safe and I am so thankful that our school district is able to support online learning. I just don’t like it (whiny, complaining voice). I, as a working parent, have to find ways for myself and my family to function in this less than ideal time. It is my belief that having a strong foundation of self-care is an essential part of dealing with all this change, hardship and social isolation. I dip in and out of a highly regimented self care routine as needed. When my stress is high, I lean into it pretty hard and make sure to check all the boxes on a weekly basis. When I am less stressed it’s a little less effort, and a little more fluid. Here are some tips for self care that I’ve found helpful:

Get up early

Really. I know that getting up early can be a drag and feel like a punishment but hear me out: The early morning is often the ONLY time that parents can truly be alone (aka heaven) to enjoy the quiet time before the frenzy of the day begins. Getting up early and working in some peaceful alone time to drink coffee, stretch, breathe and set an intention for the day can provide an opportunity to start your day relaxed and centered.  

Let go of perfection

You are probably not a teacher and even if you are a teacher, I doubt you ever envisioned teaching an entire day of classes fully remote while also possibly homeschooling your own children. Some days, the expectations seem insurmountable. As a parent who is juggling work from home and trying to home school my own young children, I have definitely been on the struggle bus more than I’d like to admit. I’ve had to embrace the reality that sometimes we won’t make every google meet (THAT IS OK). Sometimes we don’t get all our google slides done on time (THAT IS OK). Sometimes, we all take a time out (THAT IS OK). Every day at our house we have too much screen time (THAT TOO IS OK) All Families are experiencing their own set of stresses, challenges, and down and out traumas right now. No one is doing this perfectly. It’s OK to just be doing the best we can and if we aren’t happy with our best at the moment maybe take a minute to reflect and re-define what “best” is so it’s a more realistic goal. Give yourself permission to be a hot sloppy mess every once in a while. AND if it’s feeling like more than every once in a while- give yourself permission to ask for help.

Get good sleep, eat well, exercise, talk to a friend

Sleep, healthy food, exercise, and socializing are the essentials of self-care. The word self-care gets thrown around so much I fear it has lost its true meaning. Self-care at its core is making sure your very basic needs are being met consistently to give you the most optimum opportunity for efficient functioning. That’s it. It doesn’t really need to be more complicated than that, and I would argue that no true self-care intervention ever involves alcohol, drugs, escape or travel. Self-care is setting intentional goals for getting 8-9 hours of sleep, eating a balanced healthy diet, 20 minutes of exercise, and a little quality social time. Sounds simple but it’s hard to achieve even these basic needs without being mindful and intentional about it. If you are finding yourself out of balance- check in with your self-care routine and tweak it to make sure you are getting your basic needs met.

Make room for pleasure

What brings you true joy? Are you a reader? A biker? A hiker? A gardener? Do you love a good home project? It is easy to lose sight of the things we love when the whole world has shrunk down around us, all homebound and on lock down. There are obstacles all around that make it difficult to access our usual fun go-to’s. Socializing with friends, movies, restaurants, plays, sports, etc. are all off limits. It is, however, important to stay connected to your pleasure now more than ever. It may involve some creative thinking and careful planning to access your identified pleasure but I assure you there are a myriad of ways to engage. Where there is a will, there is a way. For me, pleasure involves making art. Making space in my life to pursue artistic endeavors is an essential part of achieving balance and happiness. It may at times feel selfish or even irresponsible to walk out the door to pursue your pleasure when the sink is full of dishes, and the laundry is unfolded. Hear this: SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH (really, really). I encourage you to find your thing. DO IT. On the regular. I know it will help you feel better.

Ask for help

If you are overwhelmed and every day is too much, please don’t suffer alone. We are here for you. There are lots of people struggling right now. You are not alone and asking for help is the first step. There is help out there, you don’t have to have all the answers. IT OK TO NOT BE OK (emphatic voice of conviction).

Please take care of yourself. I mean it (loving but demanding, bossy mom voice).