Gratitude Versus Toxic positivity

As we begin to enter the holiday season, specifically Thanksgiving, we often start to hear and talk about what we are thankful for. In fact, “gratitude,” has almost become a buzz word. Something trendy on decorative plates and t-shirts. Gratitude is a way to express appreciation, show kindness and give thanks.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I have so much to be grateful for. And I like using the word gratitude. But what if you aren’t feeling all that grateful, especially with everything that’s happened in 2020? You might be thinking about the next few months, as we go into the winter, the uncertainty of the times, it is hard to express a whole lot of gratitude.

I was recently speaking to a friend of mine who is a teacher and she told me about a web article regarding, “Toxic Positivity,” by Julie Mason. So what exactly do I mean by toxic positivity and why is it important to talk about? Mason writes, “Toxic positivity is when we focus on the positive and reject, deny, or displace the negative. In theory, it sounds like being optimistic, but in reality, pushing aside our unpleasant emotions only make them bigger.”

While those positive affirmation posters and inspiring quotes you see hung on the walls of your job or that you have put up at home are important reminders, it really is okay to let yourself feel, well…not very grateful. Since everyone is so stressed out you often don’t want to vent, don’t want to put your own problems on others, don’t want anyone to feel any worse than how they already feel.

But what if we can just VALIDATE each other? This is something I talk to a lot of parents about – Validate. Feelings. It is incredibly important that we all do this for each other, not just our kids. Validate first. And then listen. And if the person wants to, start to problem solve. But sometimes, we just want to feel HEARD. And when someone is telling you about something they are struggling with, you can simply say, “I’m so sorry you are stressed and sad. You are allowed to feel whatever way it is you need.”

When I was going through a really difficult period in my life, I was trying to constantly stay positive. I was worried if I let myself have any negative thinking, the universe was going to punish me and my worst fears would come true. Someone gave me the advice, “On days you feel positive, feel positive. And on days you don’t, don’t force it.” While it seems so simple, it was quite freeing. I have passed on this advice countless times in a variety of contexts.

So, circling back to gratitude – if you are having a good day and feel grateful, feel grateful – exude gratitude, show your love to others and embrace those beautiful feelings. But, if you aren’t feeling gratitude, you’re feeling sad, that’s okay too. And let’s all do that for each other as well. Gratitude versus Toxic Positivity